


Hands of Above, to Lean On

by Zendelai



Series: Sharing Different Heartbeats [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Dancing, M/M, Physical Therapy, Recovery, Support
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-13 05:48:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5697307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zendelai/pseuds/Zendelai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"But every day he still woke up, and there was Poe, and the weight of the pain seemed to lift, just a little. It would always be a battle for him, but at least it was one he didn’t have to fight alone."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hands of Above, to Lean On

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, I credit the name of this work and the name of the series to the song "Heartbeats" by Jose Gonzalez.

While the Resistance slumbered, Finn and Poe laid wide awake, facing each other in Finn’s bed in the med bay. The only sounds to break the silence were the faint buzz of the bedside lamp, casting deep shadows from Finn’s features, and the rhythmic beeping of his heart monitor. 

 

“How was PT today?” Poe whispered. Countless nights spent tucked away in Finn’s bed had made whispers their primary form of verbal communication.

 

Finn shrugged; it was an attempt to be nonchalant, but the stiffness of the motion gave him away. “Not bad. Made three unsupported steps today.”

 

Poe’s eyes twinkled with pride. “Good! That’s great! You’ll be back on your feet in no time.”

 

Finn’s gaze drifted, leaving Poe’s to focus on a point above his head. “I… had a heart palpitation. A minor one. Nothing to worry about. Doctor Gar said that I overexerted myself and I need to take a day off.” Finn let out a sigh, lengthened by frustration and impatience. Although Finn looked away, Poe spotted the glimmer of moisture in his eyes.

 

“Hey.” Poe rested a hand that he hoped was comforting on Finn’s cheek, brushing away a falling tear with his calloused thumb. “It’ll be alright.  _ You’ll  _ be alright. You’re expecting so much from yourself. You were in a coma two months ago, and they thought you might never walk again. Look at you now! Unsupported steps already.”

 

“Don’t chastise me, I’m not a child.” Finn’s harsh words stung, but when he scrubbed his face Poe knew that Finn’s frustration wasn’t directed at him, it was directed at Kylo Ren for leaving Finn on the brink of death. “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for. I’m just so fucking  _ frustrated _ .”

 

“As you should be.”

 

His jaw set and his brow furrowed, Finn continued. “I’m tired of being in this bed. I’m tired of the heart monitor, I’m tired of not being able to walk, I’m tired of feeling useless, I’m tired of not knowing where the hell Rey went.” Broad tears began to leak from Finn’s dark eyes, and Poe brushed each of them away with his thumb. “I want to walk! I want to run! I want to jump and dance and kick Kylo Ren in the ass!” Finn’s bravado diminished, replaced by genuine fear. “I don’t want to be crippled, Poe.”

 

Grasping both cheeks now within his palms, Poe forced Finn’s gaze upon him. “You listen to me right now, Finn.” His commanding voice had emerged, the one he reserved for ops with his pilots. “You  _ will  _ walk. You  _ will  _ run. You  _ will  _ jump, and dance, and kick Kylo Ren right in his tight ass.” Finn chuckled at that, a sound which brought hope to Poe. “You know why, Finn? Because you’re strong. And you’re brave. And you’re going to show that injury who’s boss.” Poe tightened his grip and continued, “And I’ll be there at your side the whole time. Including the part where we hunt down Kylo Ren and make him regret the day he messed with us.”

 

After all, Poe would never forget it; the feeling of Ren invading his thoughts, like dark tentacles slipping into the deepest corners of his mind, surfacing the secrets that Ren wanted and so much more, too. Poe’s deepest fears, his greatest shames, all of it had been forcefully laid bare by Ren. 

 

When Poe had found out that Ren had hurt Finn, too, he had thrown his wrench into a wall before sprinting to the med bay.

 

The anger at the news had been replaced by fear at the sight of Finn’s motionless body; fear made way for restrained joy when Finn woke. But now, all that was left for Poe was an overwhelming sense of helplessness. Out in the field, saving Finn was easy; all he had to do was swoop in with his X-wing. But what Finn needed now was something Poe needed to learn how to provide: support. But Poe knew that, in the depths of his heart and soul, he cared for Finn, and he would do whatever it took to help. If that meant taking ground assignments to be there for Finn’s physio, he would do it without hesitation.  

 

Finn pulled Poe out of his reverie when, with hope illuminating his face, he asked, “You’ll be at my side, through all of this? Really?”

 

“I promise.”

 

\--

 

Poe kept to his word.

 

In the months that followed, Poe rarely left Finn’s side, supporting him -- quite literally -- through every step. They would eat meals together in the med bay, and Poe attended every physical therapy session. When Rey returned she accompanied them when she was able, but her Jedi training often took her away from the base and otherwise kept her thoroughly occupied. 

 

Within weeks, Finn could walk down an entire hallway by himself.

 

Within two months, he could run and jump again.

 

It was painful, sometimes, but Finn pushed through the sharp pains raking up and down his back. Many nights he would cry himself to sleep, from the pain, from the hopelessness, but Poe was always  _ there _ , to hold him and remind him that he would be okay. 

 

Sometimes, on the really desolate nights, the ones where he gazed at the ceiling watching Kylo Ren’s crackling lightsaber flash before his eyes over and over again, feeling his back cry out with the ghost of agony, he wondered if he would have quit if it hadn’t been for Poe. If he would’ve accepted a life in a chair, aiding the Resistance with paperwork rather than a blaster. 

 

He didn’t want to know the answer to that question.

 

But every day he still woke up, and there was  _ Poe _ , and the weight of the pain seemed to lift, just a little. It would always be a battle for him, but at least it was one he didn’t have to fight alone.

 

On an unusually mild day six months after the accident, when Poe was out on a scouting mission, Rey and Finn toured the compound. Knowing he tired of speaking of it, Rey never asked him about his injury or his therapy, filling their silence with discussions of her training and the political climate. They even discussed the future, and what they wanted from it. Finn didn’t know what he wanted -- since infancy, he had never been offered a choice -- but of one thing he was certain that he  _ did  _ want: Poe Dameron. He wasn’t ready to tell Rey, or Poe for that matter. But the fact that there was someone out there who might just be for him made him feel more human than ever.

 

He returned to his bunk late that night; after Rey had left to attend a training session, he had gone for another long walk, spurned by a newfound appreciation of the joy and simplicity of  _ being  _ able to walk.

 

On his bed, he found a hastily scrawled note. 

 

_ Meet me in the hangar at midnight. _

 

_ Bring your jacket.  _

 

No name, no explanation; though Finn had a deep suspicion as to who left the note.  

 

Finn checked his watch; it was already 11:30, so he headed straight to the hangar. 

 

The hangar was nearly pitch black save a few emergency spotlights. In the silence and darkness, the X-wings felt less like weapons and more like works of art; sharp, functional lines accompanied tight angles, designed to be menacing as well as deadly. Finn ran his hand along the nearest, imagining it rumbling to life beneath his hand. He could see why Poe loved flying so much: the freedom, the power, the speed, the danger. 

 

“You made it.”

 

His palm remaining on the X-wing, Finn smiled. “Of course I did.” Crossing his arms, he turned to face Poe. “So. Why are we in the hangar at midnight?”

 

Poe smiled, a sly, crooked smile. “Because we’re going to dance.” One of Poe’s calloused fingers reached across to enter a code into the small control panel on his jacket; gentle music resonated, sharp and tinny, from the panel.

 

Finn swallowed. “Dance?” He shifted his weight, averting Poe’s intense gaze. “Why would… we do that?” 

 

“Because…” Poe took one of Finn’s hands in his own, “You once told me you wanted to walk, run, kick Kylo Ren in the ass… and dance. You’ve knocked two off that list, I thought it was time we could knock off a third.”

 

Finn felt dizzy; dancing required grace, something he had once possessed, but his injury took what little remained. But under the influence of Poe’s bright smile, his concerns carried less weight. Poe had watched Finn fall countless times while trying to walk, so he couldn’t exactly expect Finn to be a star ballroom dancer. 

 

Finn muttered, “Alright,” placing his other hand on Poe’s shoulder. With his free hand Poe took Finn’s waist, pulling him close.

 

Through every step of their dance -- it was more of a circular shuffle really -- Poe was as gentle and patient as ever. Their steps were slow, slower even than the gentle pace of the music, Finn’s gaze fixed on their feet while Poe wordlessly lead. It was no surprise to Finn that Poe would have been a talented dancer with a more capable partner; Poe seemed to be good at everything that he tried. When Finn stumbled, Poe caught him effortlessly. That always seemed to be the nature of their relationship: Finn grasped blindly, stumbling in the dark, until Poe turned on the lights. Finn only escaped the First Order because of Poe’s flying, and he eluded capture because Poe swept in and saved them. In fact, the med droid informed Finn that were he not wearing Poe’s jacket during his scuffle with Kylo Ren, his spinal cord would have been severed completely. Poe had not only kept him alive, but made him feel, for the first time, like a  _ person _ , someone who was cared about, someone who was  _ loved _ . 

 

“Thank you.” Finn stopped their motion and pulled Poe in close, until their torsos were flush and Finn could press his face into Poe’s shoulder. His word were muffled when he continued, “For everything.”

 

Poe rested his cheek on Finn’s hair, sighing gently. “Anything for you, Finn.”

 

Finn thanked the stars and the Force for aligning him with Poe Dameron.  
  



End file.
